Band of

There is one thing that I miss about the US and only one thing. And that is the friends and family here. Last night was a good night, succulent all you can eat meats at the Sampa Grill, stuffed to the gills to such an extent that I thought I felt my heart try and exit my chest. The poor thing was probably tired of the cholesterol overload and wanting to get to a new recipient at the hospital across the road. The talk was of the past two years, climbing walls to avoid cuddling, incomprehensible rowing talks, infected air beds and moisturized feet. The last year also cropped up with a recap of my exploits, laughing at politicians, dodging bears and the other inanities of living in my favourite LSD trip.

All in all one of the best nights I’ve had. I shall miss them when I leave, the two brothers, P and S, all clowns but then that’s why I think we get along so well. The absence of N and D was felt keenly and when everyone from the US crew will be together who knows. But still dinner was great. Just check out the menu below.

So this is Christmas

Or at least a bit after Christmas…

And what have I done?

Surely one of the most turbulent years of my life...

Lost one of the most important people in my life, one of the central pillars of my existence. And I am wandering in the darkness a bit as a result.

Learnt what it was like to be an adult, to really deal with stuff when the shit hits the fan.

Was one of the top Associates at my company, managed to garner a perfect review, a promotion and a decent pay increase.

Got to know the boys well, very well and regain my sanity a bit.

Made a couple of new, absolutely awesome friends.

Got the photo studio business running but lost steam halfway through.

Partook in far too many mind altering substances.

Went to the edge of the abyss many a time but managed to claw my way back.

Found out exactly how far I could push myself and not break.

Applied for my citizenship.

Learnt to breathe under water and became a PADI certified diver.

Went to a rave or two...or three.

And last night had my heart crushed...

What will 2009 hold? There is of course no real way to know but I hope a lot of healing, a lot of diving, a relaunch of the studio, a big move back home and a lot of good times with the family and friends that make my life worth living. Maybe you can’t have some things that at the moment seem so important in life, but I am grateful for what I have.

A happy new year to everyone out there on the world wide web. Stay safe.

Arrogance

It was an interesting conversation over the sushi, this question of arrogance. See the thing is I’ve been accused of this before, though one of the people who called me out was just yanking my chain in the great mating game. But I guess as I pointed out to the boys I (and we) are a bit arrogant, especially when it comes to associating with the expats in SoCal.

See I have this thing, I remember where I’m from. Just because it’s been almost nine (yes nine) years since I’ve left home I haven’t left any of that behind. I still dress the same, jeans, t-shirt, flip flops; you won’t see me in football jerseys and pants sagging around my ankles. I speak the same, no nasal American accent or posh tosh Brit accent. I detest the people who have been here for a month and speak like they have Paris Hilton stuck up their arses. I have been successful enough without having to compromise who I am.

So yes I guess I’m arrogant, but the funny thing is I’m not at the same time. I get along famously with similar souls who I’ve meet for the first time. I think I need the same irreverence that I have towards everything reflected in my friends, the absolute opposition to fakeness and insincerity and the ability to laugh at oneself.

This probably explains why I have so few (read none) American friends, while I had so many (and still have) British friends. The Americans take themselves too bloody seriously and combine that with my irreverence makes for a lot of bruised egos. Back to the subject, I guess my arrogance comes because when I see the qualities I so dislike in a bunch of people, I clam up, which can so often be interpreted as arrogance…when it’s actually disregard.

Those of you who know me, feel free to comment. I will bear no harsh feelings.

I'm back

Right, so I'm back. The retirement lasted all of a couple of months (if that). For me the confusion needs an outlet, the million things to do, the grey areas, the love lost, found, lost again, the arguments, the sweet nothings, the backstabbings, the sunrises, the sunsets all need an outlet.

So if you thought I was emo before...be warned...you might want to place a bucket by you now. This is going to be personal, very personal. And I'm going to (try) steer clear of Sri Lankan politics or any soapboxes...well try.

So whats on my plate?

- Career: trying for a new job, as fun as this is, I think I need to move away from small projects to big ones. Still trying to think of something intelligent to say on my resume.
- PhD: I want to start one in 2010, I have an idea, its a brilliant one. I just need to sell it to a supervisor. Which of course means writing a proposal.
- Australia: where I want to do my said PhD. Where they actually give holidays...gasp...shock...horror (incidentally the 5th happiest country in the world.)
- Funding: needed for the PhD...must get my thinking hat on
- Citizenship: the only reason I've stuck it here for this long. More paperwork and applications.
- Studio: getting a business up and running is no easy task.
- The Girl: deserves a post all of its own. Suffice to say this is going to be the cause of a lot of emo posts (I wouldn't want to disappoint my fans)

That's about it. Now why the change?

Lets just say what happened at home changed me, didn't make me feel like I deserved my moniker. I'm still trying to adjust to the changes, becoming the de-facto head of a family without any of the accompanying security was not easy. It's like I'm in a pressure cooker now...and it's coming to boil...I just hope this will help vent it.

TLF had served it's purpose and had to go.

shin, shin to change.