So this is Christmas

Or at least a bit after Christmas…

And what have I done?

Surely one of the most turbulent years of my life...

Lost one of the most important people in my life, one of the central pillars of my existence. And I am wandering in the darkness a bit as a result.

Learnt what it was like to be an adult, to really deal with stuff when the shit hits the fan.

Was one of the top Associates at my company, managed to garner a perfect review, a promotion and a decent pay increase.

Got to know the boys well, very well and regain my sanity a bit.

Made a couple of new, absolutely awesome friends.

Got the photo studio business running but lost steam halfway through.

Partook in far too many mind altering substances.

Went to the edge of the abyss many a time but managed to claw my way back.

Found out exactly how far I could push myself and not break.

Applied for my citizenship.

Learnt to breathe under water and became a PADI certified diver.

Went to a rave or two...or three.

And last night had my heart crushed...

What will 2009 hold? There is of course no real way to know but I hope a lot of healing, a lot of diving, a relaunch of the studio, a big move back home and a lot of good times with the family and friends that make my life worth living. Maybe you can’t have some things that at the moment seem so important in life, but I am grateful for what I have.

A happy new year to everyone out there on the world wide web. Stay safe.

Five Free

Yes, yes this is a random post…but I scored last night and I’m not really up to typing a lot. Unlike poor Darwin I am having a rather pleasant trip(s) so I decided in a fit of productivity to exercise the $5 free credit I received from Amazon MP3:

Longing, Fabric & Deepest Blue – Karsh Kale (I needed to complete Realize, a torrent that downloaded 99% but then mysteriously ceased…which for a OCD person like me has been a constant thorn in my side)

Realize – Cobie Callait (yes, an unashamedly mainstream pop song…but I keep hearin it on the radio and it’s quite catchy…also she’s pretty cute)

Broken – Lifehouse (another pop group…but I’ve always liked their stuff. In deference to the economic meltdown I thought I would buy the song instead of the entire album.)

There…another post…if slightly boring and possibly incoherent…more to hopefully come………

Insomnia

3 am - Wide awake...tick tock...tick tock....mind racing despite innumerable Advil PMs....perfect time for sleep

3 pm - Task list includes preparing LLA application burden of proof and exhibits, contacting client and getting other applications moving in light of the small victory yesterday, preparing hearing presentation, project transfers, a hundred other million things.....state of mind = ready to pass out...

Why the fuck am I always so sleepy when I shouldn't be and not sleepy when I should be....

Trouble

I was thinking...probably the after-effect of a horrendous couple of days and the nervous anticipation of a long overdue vacation and a chocolate buzz...and an entertaining, if slightly odd conversation last weekend...

...You're in trouble if you can remember exactly what it felt like when she was last in your arms right? I'm pretty sure that means trouble...sigh....

...alcohol...drugs....where are you when I need you.

Oh well, at least I have another 12 hour day to look forward to tomorrow...