The regretful robot

You know when P and S mentioned as an aside that after watching Stealth, they though they would pick Jessica Biel over Jessica Alba any day…I was understandably a bit taken aback. Granted they (I think) did not go through puberty with the wet dream of an equally pubescent Jessica Alba frolicking around in a bikini (I believe there was a cetacean involved somewhere in that equation) but still…Alba’s ass is one of the greatest gifts to mankind, right up there with fiber optics and liposuction. If you need any evidence ask me about the plot for Into the Blue. I swear I’ve seen it about 10 times but all I remember is a brown bikini.

Anywhoo….back to Stealth, OMFG…isn’t it the coolest film ever…like totally!? Whew…apologies for that, I think I’ve been in the Valley too much. But seriously, the movie hits all the right spots, explosions, blue bikini, planes, flyboys, blue bikini, exotic locales, guns, blue bikini, etc.

The high points were however as follows:

• A regretful robot – seriously Eddie is soooo much more 21^st Century than Hal ever was. He feels sorry; he has empathy for the thousands of people he condemned to death by radiation poisoning. If he had a female flying deep penetration unit to hang out with, he’d be asking to be held in the night…when the tears come. Like the rest of us 21^st Century males.
• A geography lesson – before Stealth I didn’t know where Tajikistan (omfg, I spelt that right the first time). I especially did not know where it was in relation to Alaska and North Korea. I mean most movies show you exotic locales, but how many films show you where they are. Bloody brilliant.
• A ladyboy – was it just me but did anyone else notice that the totally hot chick Jamie Foxx picked up at a Thai forest monastery (seriously, who knew that was a pick up joint) had an Adam’s apple? I think he got that page (btw the Navy lets them fly super futuristic jets but gives them pagers to get in touch? Really?) at just the right time.
• Jamie Foxx running into a mountain face – enough said.

I do have a few criticisms though, minor really but I feel I would be letting humanity down if I wasn’t totally honest with this review:

• Why the fuck did the North Korean dude shoot Jessica Biel? Seriously hot chick parachutes into your country you capture her alive and then possibly buy her a drink. You do not go poking holes in her. Could you not see that brilliant ass in your scope? Idiot.
• Why did Jessica Biel and Josh Lucas break into North Korea? I’m confused…see they ran towards the North Korean lines through a wasteland (which I assume was the DMZ) and then broke through the lines. Aided of course by a self sacrificing robot. Odd that.

But the key question that I have as a result of the movie is one that is going to provide me with a conundrum for some time to come. One that I would dearly love to solve first hand (weak pun).

Which ass to choose?