Friday, August 22, 2008

The regretful robot

You know when P and S mentioned as an aside that after watching Stealth, they though they would pick Jessica Biel over Jessica Alba any day…I was understandably a bit taken aback. Granted they (I think) did not go through puberty with the wet dream of an equally pubescent Jessica Alba frolicking around in a bikini (I believe there was a cetacean involved somewhere in that equation) but still…Alba’s ass is one of the greatest gifts to mankind, right up there with fiber optics and liposuction. If you need any evidence ask me about the plot for Into the Blue. I swear I’ve seen it about 10 times but all I remember is a brown bikini.

Anywhoo….back to Stealth, OMFG…isn’t it the coolest film ever…like totally!? Whew…apologies for that, I think I’ve been in the Valley too much. But seriously, the movie hits all the right spots, explosions, blue bikini, planes, flyboys, blue bikini, exotic locales, guns, blue bikini, etc.

The high points were however as follows:

  • A regretful robot – seriously Eddie is soooo much more 21st Century than Hal ever was. He feels sorry; he has empathy for the thousands of people he condemned to death by radiation poisoning. If he had a female flying deep penetration unit to hang out with, he’d be asking to be held in the night…when the tears come. Like the rest of us 21st Century males.
  • A geography lesson – before Stealth I didn’t know where Tajikistan (omfg, I spelt that right the first time). I especially did not know where it was in relation to Alaska and North Korea. I mean most movies show you exotic locales, but how many films show you where they are. Bloody brilliant.
  • A ladyboy – was it just me but did anyone else notice that the totally hot chick Jamie Foxx picked up at a Thai forest monastery (seriously, who knew that was a pick up joint) had an Adam’s apple? I think he got that page (btw the Navy lets them fly super futuristic jets but gives them pagers to get in touch? Really?) at just the right time.
  • Jamie Foxx running into a mountain face – enough said.

I do have a few criticisms though, minor really but I feel I would be letting humanity down if I wasn’t totally honest with this review:

  • Why the fuck did the North Korean dude shoot Jessica Biel? Seriously hot chick parachutes into your country you capture her alive and then possibly buy her a drink. You do not go poking holes in her. Could you not see that brilliant ass in your scope? Idiot.
  • Why did Jessica Biel and Josh Lucas break into North Korea? I’m confused…see they ran towards the North Korean lines through a wasteland (which I assume was the DMZ) and then broke through the lines. Aided of course by a self sacrificing robot. Odd that.

But the key question that I have as a result of the movie is one that is going to provide me with a conundrum for some time to come. One that I would dearly love to solve first hand (weak pun).

Which ass to choose?


pissu perera said...

maybe it's because i'm female, but both look the same to me, with the only difference i can find being alba's has a better tan.

T said...

even though i didnt go through puberty with the wet dream of a bikini clad jessica alba (mine was a leather clad keanu reeves, if anyone's wondering) i think ill answer ur question. biel over alba. alba has the smile but have you SEEN biel's smokin body? far better ass. and ew to both those pics. couldn't u have found better?

Savi said...

n, what were you on when you wrote this post?? There are like five OMGs or OMFGs to every sentence!!

You need to get out of that valley soon, my dear :p

P said...

Totally agree with T, you have to consider the whole package, and then Biel wins hands down...

but as i was telling n, on the bright side.. by some seriously crazy miracle if n an i ever have to decide between, Biel and Alba, there wont be any conflicts... :D

Scrumpulicious said...

Alba any and every day! Beautiful lips.... :)

N said...

PP - they both look the same?! Gah..girls

T - what's wrong with the pics? But Alba has a smoking body as well! and a prettier face...much prettier...and Biel's arms are too big:S

savi - hehe...omfg there were only two (I think)! Besides watching stealth means you need the mindset of a 12 year old

P - you and T are on crack...the ass I'll give yuou but the total package?:S

Scrump - ah yes, a girl after my own heart:)

ZenDenizen said...

Again, you can discount what I say since I'm a female but I find Alba very bland. That's not to say she's not hot, beautiful, gorgeous, whatever. She just doesn't have that hint of spice that someone like Scarlett Johansen has.

So yeah, another vote for Biel. Looks like better definition back there although I supposed you'd have to see both of them in jeans to really compare.

N said...

Zen - nooooo!!! another one for Biel!!? Well more Alba for me I guess:D

Sabby said...

Always thought Alba was cuter but who am I to judge?! *shrugs*

But can NOT come to any conclusion with those pictures. Yuck. I am sure there are better ass pictures out there.