Thursday, September 24, 2009


It was as good as could have got, that Monday, in another lifetime. The Indian Ocean murmuring in the background, candlelight, eyes shining with laughter and footsie under the table. She was expecting the question, finally after over three years of geography, commitment issues and general drama, there were no barriers. Or at least it seemed so.

My heart screamed yes, but my gut whispered no. And I went with my gut. The light in her eyes died as I stayed silent, her hand slipped away. The crab grew cold in front of us and the phone came out, cabs were called. I had just changed too much and she didn’t know it. She had changed too little and I could see it. I’m not who I was in 2006 when I fell deep into those brown eyes. The physicalness of her has no hold on me anymore, the soft lips and hot skin.

I guess irony really has no bounds. When the place is right, the time is wrong. The sad part is I don’t think she understood as much as I tried to make her understand. The hurt shows in her eyes even now when she’s with someone else. For my part I understand that there really was no other way. I don’t know if I’ve grown up, but I for me the confines of a club will never have that allure. No more crazy Friday nights and early Saturday morning. I get my thrills from the wilds, meters under the ocean and she cannot comprehend that lifestyle.

I’d like to think that the last few years weren’t just about my ego, having the It girl want me, playing those games, cold one night, twisting in the sheets the next. There was some sort of deep voodoo connection and I guess there always will be some part of me that craves for her, in the dark depths of the night. But right now I’m trying to stay in the sunshine and keep life good. Too good for complications.

I think my gut was right.


pissu perera said...

nice post.

in my experience, in the long run the gut is always right. it's just harder to stomach. pun unintended.

PseudoRandom said...

Getting all sensible, are we? :-)

Ditto to what Pissu said.

T said...

I think your gut was right. I also think this calls for a [insert synonyms for large] meaningless virtual hug. or OR we could be cool, go get some cheese kottu and talk about successfully dodged bullets.

who else but me said...

ditto everyone else. the gut has rarely failed me.

Scrumpulicious said...

Sometimes, your gut shows you the right way! :)

Cadence said...

The gut my friend. Always the gut. The battle of heart Vs head is another tough one.

Hope things seem brighter with time.

N said...

PP - True...temptation can be so easy sometimes.

Pseudo - sensible? Me?! Hardly :)

T - no hug? :(

webm, Scrump & Cadence - Amen to that...I'm sure things will get brighter:)

Darth Teddy said...

Deep ... and painfully accurate ... possibly a time for the cliché "so close but yet so far"