So I want to do a PhD. I really, really want to do one.
Why? As I have been asked by the tortured graduate students that I count amongst my friends. Many a time.
Well...I'm sick of the private sector. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind business. In fact I have a couple of entrepreneurial things in the works as it is. The thing is that I'm tired of this empty life. Working for rich people, making already rich people richer. While the rest of the world starves. I mean lets be frank I work in fucking Malibu. I'm a sell out. I harp on about sustainable development in the developing world while enjoying what is frankly a comfortable first world life surrounded by ipods and streaming video.
So I'm going to roll the dice.
A long time ago (well just over a year ago) I gave myself a deadline to go home or at least start doing something I believe in. I thought I was going to be late on that deadline, but it actually looks like I'll be within the set time. For one thing I've decided to forget about getting a black coloured passport. As easy as that would make travelling (with the exception of the Middle East) I think I'm going to stick with my red one.
Crazy? Quite possibly. I'm giving up a chance others have killed for, played lotteries for, died alone and cold in the cargo holds of ships for. And I'm giving it up...on the whisper of a chance. Note that I am building a backdoor, escape hatch into my plan...but that is a last, last resort. As I told the boys this weekend, I'd rather die broken and penniless in Lanka than driving a 7 series and living in a million dollar home here. I think the backdoor is less for me than the family..to salve their worry that I have finally lost my mind. Mind you I think that door was chosen for me when I was 8 and decided I wanted the heat of Colombo over the toys in the City of Angels.
My hand's clenched around the dice right now. I need to complete two years out here to make sure my CV isn't complete pants...and that means 10 more months of back breaking, soul sucking work...but I think I can make it. I'm researching PhD's with a fervour, trying to remember everyone who works in my field in SL, saving.
I need my life to have reason, to have a purpose. Come April, I'm going to do everything I can to stack the odds in my favour and then roll.
And hope for sixes.
Vincent - They said he was mad. But I knew him before his eyes changed and that permanent sheen of sweat covered his face. A hopeless romantic with his head wrapped ...
7 months ago