Monday, June 2, 2008

Am I crazy?

So I want to do a PhD. I really, really want to do one.

Why? As I have been asked by the tortured graduate students that I count amongst my friends. Many a time.

Well...I'm sick of the private sector. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind business. In fact I have a couple of entrepreneurial things in the works as it is. The thing is that I'm tired of this empty life. Working for rich people, making already rich people richer. While the rest of the world starves. I mean lets be frank I work in fucking Malibu. I'm a sell out. I harp on about sustainable development in the developing world while enjoying what is frankly a comfortable first world life surrounded by ipods and streaming video.

So I'm going to roll the dice.

A long time ago (well just over a year ago) I gave myself a deadline to go home or at least start doing something I believe in. I thought I was going to be late on that deadline, but it actually looks like I'll be within the set time. For one thing I've decided to forget about getting a black coloured passport. As easy as that would make travelling (with the exception of the Middle East) I think I'm going to stick with my red one.

Crazy? Quite possibly. I'm giving up a chance others have killed for, played lotteries for, died alone and cold in the cargo holds of ships for. And I'm giving it up...on the whisper of a chance. Note that I am building a backdoor, escape hatch into my plan...but that is a last, last resort. As I told the boys this weekend, I'd rather die broken and penniless in Lanka than driving a 7 series and living in a million dollar home here. I think the backdoor is less for me than the family..to salve their worry that I have finally lost my mind. Mind you I think that door was chosen for me when I was 8 and decided I wanted the heat of Colombo over the toys in the City of Angels.

My hand's clenched around the dice right now. I need to complete two years out here to make sure my CV isn't complete pants...and that means 10 more months of back breaking, soul sucking work...but I think I can make it. I'm researching PhD's with a fervour, trying to remember everyone who works in my field in SL, saving.

I need my life to have reason, to have a purpose. Come April, I'm going to do everything I can to stack the odds in my favour and then roll.

And hope for sixes.

14 comments:

Darwin said...

You. Are. Mad.

But I've already told you this :)

rasti said...

It's interesting, last summer when I got back from working in Colombo I had some familiar feelings, except it was the opposite. I learned that working in the non-profit sector is no different than the private one. Except in the corporate world everyone is aware that people are going to screw you over to get ahead.

Don't mean to piss on your parade or anything but good on you for feeling unhappy enough to want to change your life. It takes balls for sure and most people would just grit their teeth and go through the motions...

Scrumpulicious said...

If that's what you want to do - I think you should!
I too have contemplated the PhD but I think I'm too old now (for one) and can I really commit 3 years to studying again? And what topic could possibly keep me interested for that long?
Roll and see what happens!

And you've been tagged! Apologies!

tinylittlefascist said...

"It's time to roll the dice" is always a good strategy but tough to do when one is comfortable; easier when one has few other options or nothing much to lose, so Good luck!

On Rasti's point, I have never thought that the non-profit sector does not involve people wanting to screw one another over. After all, it's no different to the academic community. At least, in theory, they're screwing one over for a more valid (IMO) cause than private sector corporate asshats.
No?

PS: Always good to know that someone else is insane enough to do a PhD, so cheers. :)

T said...

WHY a PhD? Well i want it cuz ill get to put a fucking Dr. before my name. how sweet will that be?!

Roll the dice mofo, life is all about taking chances.

sach said...

You might not be able to handle a PhD at your age :p And if it's just the Dr. part you want give a call to Dr. Mervin Silva.

N said...

D - hehe...yes you have:)

Rasti - I've worked in the non-profit world so I know how it is. Actually the company I work for is amazing in how supporting it is...I'm just sick of the work, work culture...and making other people rich.

Scrump - really...thought you were a batta for some reason?

TLF (ooh Deja vu) - I haven't been comfortable since I was 18...and in terms of what to lose...well the opportunity to be a citizen of the land of the free...which I'm not sure is cut out to be all that.

T - mofo?:S Gangsta...

Sach - har, har...nuff with the old jokes already...bloody battas...

T said...

well thats how i roll dawg.

pfft.

tinylittlefascist said...

Yes, I was saying it's easier when you have nothing to lose but I wasn't referring to you.

After all, as you say, you are comfortable in many ways where you are, and could indeed, be a citizen of the US (sans your soul, of course. ;) ).

In conclusion, therefore, in your case, the dice-rolling is not an easy decision. But do it anyway!!!

Scrumpulicious said...

What's a "batta"? (sorry!)

N said...

T - hmmkk...

TLF - yeah its material comfort that I stand to lose..not much else.

Scrump - lil' one :)

PseudoRandom said...

What the...

Yes you are crazy. But then so is everyone else who does a PhD (apologies to Darwin and any other PhD-ers reading this but they know it's true!)...so I guess it's not a half bad decision ;-)

The plus side is clear though...you won't have any problems getting to sleep when you have reading to do! :P

ddm said...

superb!

the red passport is the way forward.

Scrumpulicious said...

I am still lil' just not that much anymore! :(