Monday, June 16, 2008

A Southern Californian Fairytale (part 1)

Alternatively known as the stripper, the softbox and the studio.

Well this is a fairytale in only the loosest of terms. To be honest I don’t think this will be something I can tell my kids in the future. Just a portion of it told to the girl got me about as much attitude as could be squashed into 15 minutes…not that the two above audiences are at all related….cough….cough…*glance around furtively*

Anyways, this was all CP’s fault. Her and her shoddy scheduling for her wedding. I mean who gets married in November?! The fact that R and I couldn’t make it and in fact could only be there on a TV screen pissed both of us off immeasurably. Probably pissed me off more since I actually had to drop her off at LAX. After hugging her goodbye I rolled over to the boys’ place…determined to drink till I dropped.

If CP was the base for this escapade, D was the catalyst. Appalled that PC and I were intent on drinking, getting thanakolafied and then watching Black Hawk Down, D insisted we instead go to the local Xposed, a fine establishment where ladies show off their athletic skills and make more and hour than I can ever hope to.

God knows how much rum and cokes later, there we were, PC, D, me and S (who had sadly forgotten his glasses) staring up at indistinct shapes, that we were pretty sure were women writhing around poles.

“Two for one deal gentlemen, two for one”

Always being one for a deal, this was not something I could pass up.

In the bad light and with my BAC somewhere near dangerous levels, I swear she looked like Rihanna.


“Dance honey?”


“Yeah…that’s a splendid idea!”


So off it was to the secluded couches for my two for one deal.


“Honey you can touch anything you want…but not my vagina”


As an icebreaker….this sentence left somewhat to be desired.


I processed this rather intriguing piece of advice…before dissolving in laughter.


She laughed as well…a bit uneasily.


“So do you watch porn?”

“I’m a guy, whatcha think?”

“You ever seen me?”

“I barely know what you look like right now”



“Well keep an eye out for me, I’m called Lavish.”

At this stage the girl was doing this thing with her rather bountiful rear that introductions were the furthest thing from my mind...

*light bulb*

“Wait a minute, if you’re in porn, who does your photoshoots?”

To be continued…


sach said...

oooh cliffhanger :D

Darwin said...

LOL! That made me choke and splutter all over my desk, thanks a lot!

Hurry up with Part Two already!

pissu perera said...

lol.i think i've seen part 2 of this fairytale.

seriously though, if after getting drunk at a strip joint, all you can think about is photoshoots, something is terribly wrong with you:p

sach said...

haha just saw part 2 :D

Scrumpulicious said...

Lol! Nice reading material to come back to! :)

sach said...

This is to let you know that the blog address of Cynically Yours has changed and now it's so please change it in your blog feed or list. Thanks and feel free to delete this comment.

SpectralCentroid said...

DUDE! If you become a pornstar profile photographer or soimething like that, I AM GONNA KILL YOU! Or maybe become your business partner.

Sabby said...

Oh man, how did I NOT come across your blog earlier??!
Hi-fucking-larious! =)